If You Walked a Mile in My Shoes

If you walked a mile in my shoes

You would feel the weight of the world on your chest

Trying to catch your own breath

Like Peter trying to catch his silhouette

It always seems to run from me

My eyes are bigger than my stomach

I’ve loaded too much on my plate

I don’t seem to have an appetite

Big enough to eat it all

I guess that’s what happens when you’re used to your stomach

Meeting your back in rib cages

Cages seem like safe places to birds who’ve never flown before

I have never flown before

My wings seem too broken

I have trust issues

So its hard for me to believe that the wind will carry me

Have you ever tried to walk in shoes

too big for your feet

They weren’t meant for me in the first place

Shoes laces don’t tie tight enough

so I stumble a lot

Had to learn to crawl before I could walk

I had to start with bare basics

Checking on my posture like

Feet shoulder length apart

Back in

Chest out

Shoulders back

Chin held high

Putting one foot…. In front of the other

I take it ONE step at a time

I’ve become claustrophobic

These cages can’t contain me anymore

My wingspan too big

These cages ain’t safe anymore

I didn’t realize until I was free they never really were

If you walked a mile in my shoes

You would know what it’s like living in bullet proof glass houses

I live in glass houses because I’m transparent

And aint got shit to hide

I took my skeletons out of my closet

And laid them to rest

I don’t flinch anymore when shots are fired

I buried guilt next to shame

They still haunt me in my sleep sometimes

Whispering:

“You’ll never be good enough, smart enough, you’ll never be loved or love enough

You will always be that girl who found refuge in beds

Hiding in strange places

These bottles seem to misplace you”

But I can’t hear the whispers anymore my actions be too loud

Waking in a queen sized bed just big enough to love myself in

Praying to God

“Relieve me of the bondage of self-will

This ain’t about me Lord let me live in your will”

Adjusting my eyes to the light/ I have slept too long

I am woke now!

I no longer have to be sleeping to live the life of my dreams now

Took me eight years but I never gave up I got my degree now!

My wings are healing/ I take flight now

These poems are a testimony to your greatness/ I get free now

I have caught my breath I can finally breathe now