On October 16th, 2015 I checked myself into an intensive inpatient rehab facility called House of Mercy. My life up until that point had been filled with chaos and destruction, ravaged with abuse of all forms: physical, mental, emotional, sexual, spiritual and substance abuse. I decided to make this leap of faith after finding out that the life I lived with my fiance of three years was all a lie. My whole life came crashing down before my eyes and the tighter I tried to hold on to my life the way that it was, the greater was the pain. I had to let go.
Journal Entry – October 2016
“This time last year my life was a complete mess! I had relapsed on alcohol & it completely took over my life. I went on a 3 week bender drinking non-stop. My relationship of 3 years was falling apart. Turns out lies isn’t a very stable foundation. I got into a fight with my ex, with my brother, & with one of my long time best friends; all within days apart. I went to jail. Tried killing myself & couldn’t even do that right. I contemplated sending my son to live with my sister so he didn’t have to see his mommy slowly kill herself anymore. At one point I didn’t want to leave my house & cried hysterically at the request of going to the grocery store. I was severely depressed, angry, hurt & full of fear. I reached out to friends, family & to the church & no one could or would help me. I was desperate, out of control & powerless over alcohol & the effects it had on my life.
Today marks one year that I decided to take the leap of faith & do something about it & checked myself into the House of Mercy’s residential treatment program. I am at peace with myself & my life today. Today I am on track to graduate from DMACC & have an actual degree to show for it. I work with an amazing organization & get to share my passion with elementary students. I’m about to graduate successfully from the program at House of Mercy. I have a vehicle that’s registered and insured that gets me from A to B. I have an amazing group of friends that have become my family & who surround me with love & support when I’m struggling. My son feels safe & is thriving! And today I show myself the love and compassion that I deserve & I don’t accept less from anyone else. This is ME! Unfiltered, no make-up. FLAWS AND ALL! I still have a lot of learning & growing to do but I’ve come a mighty long way!”
In the year I had lived there I had gone through intense treatment taking classes to learn about addiction, relapse prevention, healthy relationships, addictive thinking, parenting classes, etc. to help me learn how to live life another way. I did therapy twice a week to work through traumatic past experiences and met with a counselor once a week to process through my days and discuss any progress (or regression) made towards my goals. I went to AA meetings to hear stories of strength, wisdom and hope. I met some amazing women along the way who I got to bond with in a deeply profound way. Some I’m still friends with today, some I keep up with on Facebook and others have gone back to their old lives. But they all hold a special place in my heart.
I had been living there for a year when they asked us to write out our stories to share for Red Ribbon Week, a campaign to raise awareness about drug abuse. So instead of writing a story, I decided to write a poem. That’s when poetry became a crucial part of my recovery.
The minute that I put pen to paper I am releasing myself of all the traumatic experiences in my life. Getting it out of me and onto paper help me to process through these events and make meaning out of them. But once I say it out loud and perform it on stage something even more magical happens – I get free!
These negative experiences that used to play on repeat in my mind, that ran my entire life, and that was woven into the fabric of my entire being, they no longer had an affect on me. I was able to get it out of me and into the universe. And just by sharing my story and my truth, other people have been finding their truths as well.
There are 5 stages of my poetry process:
- Identifying and acknowledging the pain
- Finding words to articulate your emotions
- Creating a poem from your experience
- Sharing your poetry
- Witnessing others relate to your poem
I am embarking on this journey to share my story and my poetry with the world, in hopes of reaching more people who, like me, find freedom in poetry.
I hope you enjoy.
Cocha's Thoughts 
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